I spent two quid on the lottery this week and I want it back
Play it every week
Total winnings: Bugger all
The balls, they mock me
Tag: PG – rated
The plot to The Matrix, condensed
I took the red pill
To discover the real world
And two shit sequels
In which I probably alienate most of my readers by taking the piss out of Twitter obsessives
Feel urge to update
Every time I take a shit
No-one cares at all
The plot to Lord Of The Rings, condensed
Quest to destroy ring
That’s a fucking big spider
I can carry you!
The unbearable sadness of watching lower league football
Freezing in the stands
What the hell is in this pie?
Referee’s a wanker