My pants are so tight
That future kids are at risk
I’m off to cry now
Nasal hairs: the brutal truth
What is their purpose?
Why do they sprout from my nose?
Tweezing hurts a lot
I spent two quid on the lottery this week and I want it back
Play it every week
Total winnings: Bugger all
The balls, they mock me
My Dad went to IKEA and all he got me was this lousy flat-pack wardrobe
Rank meatballs with jam
Sofas with names like “Malmo”
Thanks for nothing, Swedes!
The plot to The Matrix, condensed
I took the red pill
To discover the real world
And two shit sequels